EP53: The Discomfort of Change | Giving Yourself Permission to Hate the Process with Dayna DeHerrera-Smith
In this week’s episode, I sit down with Dayna DeHerrera-Smith to unpack what it really takes to unlearn inherited beliefs, reframe rest, and do the uncomfortable work of reinventing yourself. Dayna shares her journey of uncoupling her self-worth from constant output—a pattern rooted in a blue-collar upbringing—and together, we explore how running on empty causes us to give our most exhausted selves to the people we love most, and why taking care of ourselves is an act of service to our relationships.
We also get real about the uncomfortable side of transformation. Growth isn't always pretty, and forcing positivity only creates internal resistance. We give you full permission to hate the process of change while you're in the middle of it—to feel salty or mad without making yourself wrong for it—because honoring those real emotions without getting stuck in them is where true evolution happens.
In this conversation, we explore:
Rest as a Requirement, Not a Reward: Why taking care of yourself is an active act of service to your relationships rather than something you have to earn through total exhaustion.
The Myth of 50/50 Relationships: How long-term partnerships and friendships naturally flex through seasons of carrying more or giving less, and what genuine reciprocity actually looks like when life happens.
Permission to Hate the Process: Why it’s completely okay to be salty, annoyed, or mad while you’re in the middle of a hard season of growth—and why "I'm just grateful this day is over" is sometimes the most honest form of gratitude.
If you’ve ever felt like you have to earn your right to slow down, or you’re wrestling with the awkward discomfort of becoming a new version of yourself, I think this conversation will meet you right where you are.
0:00 Navigating Old Beliefs and Guilt
04:40 The Importance of Rest and Self-Care
07:35 The Role of Humility in Relationships
10:22 Taking Responsibility and Accountability
13:18 The Challenge of Change
16:21 Finding Balance in Work and Rest
20:00 Ownership, Responsibility, and Humility in Conflicts
31:31 Navigating Internal Motivation and Physical Challenges
37:12 The Evolution of Relationships and Self-Identity
44:11 Reciprocity in Relationships: Balancing Support and Responsibility
52:08 Understanding Legacy: Selflessness and Impact
1:00:00 Confidence Versus Self-efficacy and Self-awareness
01:03:07 Permission to Feel: Embracing Emotions and Moving Forward
